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When I came out as a transsexual to my Dad he had a reaction that I didn't expect: he blamed himself.  If only he had only spent more time with me, or helped me be better at sports.  Maybe it was his genes that he passed on to me... who knows.  I honestly wasn't expecting this reaction from my father, but did he have a point?  Were any of those reasons valid?  This came up in a letter I recieved this week from a mother, worried that she may have passed her own G.I.D on to her son.

Dear Grishno,

I have started my transition from a male to a female, a secret I have been hiding for a very long time.  Now my family knows about me and still loves and supports me.  I'm a Father of two wonderful boys who I only get to talk on the phone. Talking with my youngest son, who is now four, keeps saying he wants to be a cowgirl and a mommy and he keeps saying he's a girl.  His Mother keeps telling him he is a boy and he corrects her by saying "I'm a girl".  My question is if being Transgender could have passed that gene unto my son. No matter what my son wants to be  I will love him or her.

Read more about where Transsexuality comes from after the break.

Today's letter is short and sweet, and so is my introduction.

Hi Erin.  I was wondering if you would be able to help me understand a little better about transgendered people.  I'm a first year police foundations student in Ontario Canada and it is a topic that we covered in class but that I don't fully understand it.  If there is anything you could tell me that would help me understand a little bit better it would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you!

Read my reply and learn more after the break.

I recently received a message on youtube from a mother who suspects that her child might be transgender.  In writing back to her I became overwhelmed with thoughts about what my life would have turned out like had my mother had the fortitude that this mother does.  It's never productive to wallow in the past, wondering what could have been if choice that were out of your control had been different, but this time I was filled with hope and optimism about how this child's life might turn out, and how some small part of that could have come from someone learning from my life experience.

Dear Erin,

My son, ever since the age of 2, has liked pink and leaned towards girl toys.  I dyed him a pink shirt the other day and he wore it to school for his favorite color day with his hair sprayed pink with glitter. Afterwards he said that for pajama day he wanted me to get pink princess pajamas. I said no because he is already getting made fun at school and he broke down in tears.  He said that I just want him to be a boy and that's why I buy him ugly boys clothes and that he is a girl.

I talked to him about gender and he said, "mom is a girl dad is a boy brother a boy and sister a girl. "He knows he has different parts, but still says he is a girl.  He also drew a picture at school saying when he grew up he wanted to be a mommy. He also said he would be happy if I bought him girl things. My question to you is: Do I start out little getting him a couple pink shoes or shirts. Do I get him evaluated to see if this is something serious first or just a phase like everyone in my family is saying. I don't know what to do and I would support no matter what, but I am the one confused.

Read my reply and learn more after the break.

Hey Grishno,

I asked you something along the lines of this before, but I would like to discuss it again. I'm sort of hitting a peak in this gender crisis thing. I guess I'm trying to figure out if I'm transgendered or just fucked up. Most transgenders I have talked to say that they feel like they have a woman's brain(or vice versa), but they were born into a man's body, so they had to fix it. Is this what you think/can you better explain it? I either cannot comprehend this, probably because I am not trans, or, trans people in general are full of shit. For me(I'm a genetic girl)I hate being a girl, and I want to be a boy very badly. I hate my boobs; I think that they're disgusting, and feel like they are not supposed to be there, but I do not think/feel like I am actually a boy.

Thank you very much.

Hey there!

You definitely have a verycomplex questions here, but I'll do my best to explain my own personal feelings on the subject.  I will qualify this by saying this this is how I see the situations, but may not be how others interpret it (if that's the case feel free to add your own opinion in the comment area).

I think that what a lot of people are saying when they say that they feel they have their desired genders brain in their birth genders body is something that they come to realize AFTER going through with a transition.  I remember when I decided to go through with my transition.  I was so unsure of whether I was actually a girl or not that I told myself I would give this transition thing a "trial run" of 30 days, and if I didn't feel like it was right for me after that then I would go back to being a boy.  Well about 2-3 days into this "trail run" I knew that I'd made the right choice and that I was never going back; and I never did.

READ MORE AFTER THE BREAK:

"Ask a Tranny" is a new section here at grishno.com on the brand new resources page.  Readers are encouraged to submit their questions or solicit advice from me or any of the other contributors here by sending an e-mail to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it . While we may not be able to answer all of the questions that we receive, we will do our best to get to as many people as possible, and post our answers/advice/whatever right here.

Todays letter hit close to home for me as there are a lot of similarities between my own life and this persons current situation.  What do you do when you've come out to your family but they pretend it never happened?  How do you come out to your family when you have an upcoming wedding in which you'll be presenting as your desired gender?

Dear Erin,

So, I've decided to start coming out as transgender to the rest of my family but I'm not sure how to do so. I tried the direct approach with my immediate family and my dad and my brother just pretend "it isn't there" unless they're forced to recognize it. My father has told me I make an ugly woman in the past; he just treats it like a joke whenever he's not ignoring it. My brother for the most part is wierded out and simply doesn't talk about it.

I tried coming out to my dad's parents in a letter while I was at school for the spring semester last year. The response I got from them was neither negative nor positive. Quite simply they didn't react at all, they just changed the subject. It's like they're pretending I never told them anything and everything goes on the way it was before. My grandmother still complains that my hair is too long "for a guy."

Before they were married, my cousin Philip's girlfriend saw me at Parkland College one day when I was wearing my black stilettos. From what I hear, when my cousin heard he was very angry. But he's never talked to me about it. In fact the only one who even tries on occasion is my mom, which I appreciate, but no one ever talks about it in company. My Aunt Diann accepts me, but that may have a little to do with the fact that she and my Aunt Lindey are lesbians, but I don't get to talk to her much.

I address my transgender identity a lot in my writing, but I've been too afraid to show those pieces to most of my family. They need to know soon because my fiancee and I plan on me getting married in a wedding gown. The question is, how the hell do I tell them all? They're lovely people, but they also happen to be largely conservative.

--nervous genderqueer

Read my reply or add your own response after the break: